It’s so wonderful that we live in America and we are finally seeing a dent in women’s rights, slavery has finally been abolished and even though there are still biases there seems to me more avenues now than before to make it. This is one of the greatest eras to do what you want to do with your life. This era has birthed some ambitious people. Many will go on to do great things and live better than their family could have ever hoped.

We think ambition is so good. We think that we can keep pushing and break some invisible barrier and finally “get” there. We have been made to believe that if we keep trying no matter how messed up, broken, and beat up that one day that brick wall with break. We believe that we are in control of our own destiny. We have been trained to believe no one can tell us what we can and can’t do.

But what if there is something not in this world that is keeping you from getting to where you want to be? What if it is God himself stopping well-intentioned dreams? What if you are shown by God what you need to be doing and it doesn’t seem like what you are doing right now? What if no matter how high or low you go, there is still an annoying voice nagging you telling you what you are supposed to be doing? What if that thing looks like a huge step down from where you perceive your ambition will take you? Do you abandon everything and follow it?

There was a point in my career where I had finally reached the place where I knew that wall I was trying so hard to break was finally broken. I felt like I had finally made it. As I was getting ready for a big promotion, I remember my soul praying to God. Not with my vocal cords because I did not want to utter the words I felt, words that would discredit the work that I had done to get there. I remember sitting in my car, looking out of the window and thinking how I was finally here, but I felt like I would never be satisfied with the job that I was going to enter. It took reaching the top for me to realize that if I waited for the right time to surrender to what I should be doing, that time may never come. I pictured myself going to that top level and I felt empty. I remember my heart whispering to God that I wished to surrender.

It was not long after this that the team I managed won top place and was recognized. It was all happening as planned. As I was driving to work, I knew God wanted to tell me something. It wasn’t something I wanted to hear. Somehow in spite of where I was, at that moment I longed to not feel tired anymore. I longed for my heart to be at peace. Maybe that is why my heart was screaming to be where it was supposed to be even though my mind was fighting.

I remember asking God in a huffy and puffy way to go ahead and tell me. I was upset. He told me exactly what was going to happen with some shocking details lol at my job and that things were going to end. I told him the things he said would never happen. The person he spoke to me about had been nothing but amazing to me and for the thing he told me to happen meant that they would have to completely flip on me.

Sure enough, that week that thing happened. I sat down with my boss, knowing that God had already given me a sign that things were done, and we discussed that I would go home for the week and I would come back and talk to him. When I left, I knew I could never go back, but I still battled it. During that week God kept speaking the same things to me over and over and I did not want to listen. I knew that for me to give this up that I would be taking a step down. I would be giving up everything that I wanted. I had no idea how I would complete his plan, where it would take me, or any details about it. It seemed like such a foreign weird thing. But, I did it.

Because I was so sad about making the decision not to go back, I asked God that if it really was his will then I need another job fast. I need the first job I apply for to hire me and I need them to follow up with me. I did not want to put any effort into it and I did not want to have to call them even one time. I prayed some specifics on what I needed. Sure enough, I was driving by a place that was having a hiring event and I got the job. They called me soon after and it was everything I needed.

It has been an interesting ride since then. For a while, it was evident I had taken a step down, but the best thing is the peace I felt. I finally knew I was on the right road even though that meant sacrificing the road I was on. I sometimes wonder where this bumpy road will take me and I guess I’ll see as time goes on.