My whole life I have been searching searching for love, even when I was saying I wasn’t. I wanted so badly to finally validate my feelings by someone saying that it was me. I was it. I wanted to finally find love.
So I was willing to put his still small voice on the back burner because he was messin with my plans to fix this part of me with an option that was not him or his doing.
God I know that I am called to do a work for you, but you don’t understand I have to get settled first. I have to find myself. I must get a man because if you step in and make me a powerful woman no one will ever want me. Not like that.
So let me dumb myself down and act like I am not who I am.
AND then there was that time that I was praying for you to please I BEG YOU let that guy come back to me and you only said one word- HUNGER FOR ME. But Lord, the word was so faint I thought that I could keep begging for what I wanted.
And then there are the times you tried to place a roadblock between me and what I thought may give me temporary relief from a deep ache in my heart.
An ache that convinced me that I was unwanted, unloved.
Then something so bizarre happened this year.
I realized that you were MORE THAN ENOUGH. I realized that I had TRULY found love.
I WAS LOVED! I really could not believe it when I realized that you thought I was more than enough too. Just like I thought of you. In fact, while I was searching many faces for you….You were also searching this earth for me with all the times your still small voice would tell me to come back to you. Let your heart rest in me. Let me be the God of your heart.
Let me teach you what a real husband does.
A husband loves his wife just like I did. ( like Christ loves the church)
A husband sees her tears and runs to help.
A husband wants the desires of his precious wife , the love of his life, to be fulfilled.
A husband protects his wife.
A husband provides for his wife.
It was so crazy for me to realize that ALL of these years you were miraculously taking care of me.
You got me out of an abusive relationship that you told me not to get into.
It was me that disobeyed but it was you who comforted me, sent someone who did not know me to tell me to leave and that I would one day find a man that loved me with all his heart, healed me over and over again and allowed me to come back with open arms never judging me.
Wow! I cant believe that I have someone that loves me like that. I cant believe that I never understood that I have the jackpot right here in your arms.
I am protected here.
I am loved here.
I have everything I could EVER WANT or NEED here.
God, thank you for being so good at what you do.
Signed,
Learning to love you
