I was reminded today how surrender is not what I once thought it was. I have always “lived” for God. I say that a lot lol. Bur for real, I prayed, went to church, worshipped. I wanted to know God and do good. But I also was apart of an environment like we ALL ARE of communities that told me what God would and would not do. People be havin opinions. What he would require and what he wouldn’t.
I learned over time that God is the only one who deserves to have the voice of God in my life. There have been times I have stepped out and followed Gods voice when I was the ONLY one he was talking to. It was uncomfortable. I wondered if I was CRAZY but some of my GREATEST fulfillment comes from the decisions I made during that time. The decision to take a risk. The decision that said I would rather try and fail than take a chance and not follow my Jesus.
There are too many people who are dictating to JEsus what he can and cant do and I also did that without realizing it for so long.
I had a vision when I was just a youngin when I was crying in my room asking God if I would ever have any value in my life. He showed me that same vision 3 times.
Did I jump up and down and go chasing after it?
No.
I was worried frightened scared. I tucked it away in my little mind not knowing what to do with it because I KNEW that I was not big enough to accomplish that by myself.
I am still in a lifetime vendetta to surrender fully, but I came to a place where I had to start surrendering to WHATEVER he wanted to do. I laid it ALL down and said LORD THIS IS YOUR LIFE. And then from there I followed every little step he showed me to the best of my ability.
The plan was his and I realized at some point that this was a GOD STORY not a CHARITY STORY. I realized it was all about him and not about me although I still make it about me A LOT.
So Lord here I am, I am still surrendering to your plan.
It is not about me; it is about you. Let what I want be one with you.
