When I started on this journey, I made up in my mind that I would follow Christ. I even made up my mind to do something called “radical” obedience which is the exact opposite of what 99.99999% of Christians are doing. It put me on a road that sometimes only had myself on it.
Recently, God brought me back to a place where it was time to surrender. I looked back over how much I had already surrendered as if that would bring me some brownie points with God but I realized this had nothing to do with that. He wanted a different version of myself. He wanted me in the state I was in now and he wanted me to trust him for things I could have never trusted him before.
God had grown me to this place of total surrender, a place I could have never gotten had I not made all the little and big decisions that got me to this point.
Sometimes I wonder where my surrender will land me, since I am giving over the control that I long many days to take back. But I realized this is the risk. This is where most drop off. ITs scary finally jumping, taking a chance with what you believe God wants but always knowing you could end up like those coocoos who thought they knew his voice, too.
Still, my heart is in this place where it longs to be totally one with my precious savior. IT longs for me and him to be aligned, so I know that I must lay down my thoughts, my insecurities, my worldly needs and finally say yes.
And in this place of complete surrender I find my rest.
