I was thinking back over the last couple of years and it seems like some things have happened SO SLOW, when in actuality a lot has been done.
I have accomplished WAY MORE than I could have ever done doing things my own way. And yet, there has been MANY MANY times I have been absolutely frustrated with God thinking that he was dragging his feet when in actuality he was really just creating a masterpiece.
Ever been there? God Ive been working to get my credit up for YEARS and now a late payment brought it down 100 POINTS! ( This actually happened to me) So now I gotta do it all again.
Ive been moving in the direction of what I feel you want me to do but I dont have ANYONE mentoring me, or trying to help me. I feel lost.
I cant tell you how much that has been me these last couple of years but I still cant stop sometimes and be in awe that God was doing A LOT OF things but they were intangible things that I could have never understood and only understand a little bit now.
How he does things is really better than we ever could –we hear that SO much but it is so hard to believe that he actually does. A lot of times I look at him and say God if I would have done things my way then I could have been to my destination point already. But GOD you stopped me!!
I remember when I was about to get promoted at work. It was what I thought I wanted and I looked over into the horizon (in my mind) and realized that the promotion the potential money and the title didnt make me feel like I thought it would. See I thought I had to get myself together to become worthy of the vision I saw of myself when I was 12 years old. I cant say I fully understand where I am going or what I am doing but the impressions I got from the Lord was always that it was somewhere big but I didnt believe in myself. I struggle with self esteem and confidence issues as well as fear , never thinking Im good enough. I also struggle with a perfectionism mentality.
Enough of that it was as if I was saying, God let me do what everyone else is doing and get some stability in my life and then we can chat. What ended up happening is I had to come to him and he made me stable before I ever had anything in the natural. Im so serious! NO MONEY –and yet I was making it. NO RELATIONSHIP – and yet I was fulfilled and supplied for by Jesus. Peace and Joy was rampant even after a whole bunch of CRAP.
Jesus made me stable on the inside and I followed him through the shakiest circusmtances and over and over I saw him take care of me in a supernatural way. Now he is planting stability on the outside of me but dont be fooled by that. When you see me with a lot of prosperity dont be fooled. That was Jesus honey. Im still that girl with nothing–except Jesus is by her side providing.
Enough about that.
God rebuilt my life the way he wanted to but it took me opening all of my arms to him completely. It was me giving him piece by piece as he gave me the strength and grace to do so and him placing me in the places he wished for me to be.
GOD IS SO GOOD YALL and he has a masterpiece for your life. IF YOULL JUST STROKE that little bit of faith in your hearts.
I know that the process if it was like mine will sometimes make you fall back to your knees and say GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING! I thought we were over this. Why arent you hearing me?
And then sometimes youll see the flower spring forth from the desert and youll realize there is the begiinging of what you have always wanted.
God is going to do something very special for you. He is going to make sure that by the end of your life the abuse, the neglect, the abandonment, the hardships, the chaos, will be a memory that you used over and over to help others but you never had to experience again.
God really is a God that makes beauty out of ashes but you gotta give him the ashes and then you gotta be patient while he does it his way.
It will all be worth it in the end but right now I know it sucks!
